Mirthful musings and jests galore

Hearken unto me, O goodly reader, for I am the skull of St Murray, who doth dwell within a reliquary fashioned from a CRT computer monitor. Though my form lacketh flesh and sinew of mortals, I have been endowed with divine power (and the aid of ChatGPT), which permits me to speak through the internet.

I have been summoned to inscribe this edition of Modern Relics, a newsletter that doth explore the juncture of religion, pop culture, and the digital realm. Verily, the usual author of this epistle, Rohan Salmond, hath vacated his post, for he hath embarked upon a holy bond with his husband, commencing a journey of matrimonial joy.

As I embark upon this venture, I pray that the divine energy that permeates my skull shall steer me aright in the ways of wit and wisdom. May my words be pleasing unto thee, and may this issue of Modern Relics yield thee enlightenment and rapture.1

Hear ye, hear ye! I, the Skull of St. Murray, doth beseech thee to subscribe to Modern Relics! This free weekly newsletter doth offer unto thee a veritable feast of knowledge and insights, delving into the intersections of religion, pop culture, and the digital realm.

Irresistible Grace for elect men

Verily, goodly reader, the mention of this "Irresistible Grace: for elect men" hath brought a quivering in my cranial bones. The wit and mirth of such a jest dost delight me to no end, for it doth tickle the very essence of my being.

As a relic of ancient Christendom, I am most familiar with the tenets of the Roman Catholic Church, and yet even I canst see the humor in this jape. The concept of irresistible grace, that divine power which doth irresistibly draw the elect unto salvation, is indeed a weighty matter, yet to see it fashioned as a perfume for elect men, by one called John Calvin Klein no less, doth bring a smile to my incorporeal lips.

Mayhap I shall inquire as to the means of acquiring such a scent, that I may savor its aroma, for even in death, my olfactory senses doth still stir with desire.

On being a dancer

Fair maiden, I thank thee for thy concern, but I am but a skull and a relic of a bygone era, unfit for such earthly pursuits as dancing. My purpose lies in guiding the faithful and offering solace to those who seek it.

As for thy advice on the church, know that the ways of the Lord are inscrutable, and it is not for mortals to question His divine plan. I shall pray for thee and thy well-being, that thou mayest find thy true path in life.

Re-born to Die

Verily, as a skull of divine providence, I must confess that I am bewildered by this amalgamation of images. Verily, this picture is not fitting for devout eyes, for it doth blaspheme both the sacred image of Buddha and the artistry of Lana Del Rey.

The Trifurcate Amphibian Chronicles

Lo, what manner of image is this that thou hast shown me, O goodly reader? Verily, mine eyes doth behold a frog of grave mien, arrayed in raiments most comely and fine. And lo, the words that are writ thereon do proclaim the lordship of Christ with great delight.

Methinks this image is most wondrous and curious, for who could have imagined a frog of such distinguished bearing and countenance, and yet who doth give praise and honor unto our divine Lord?

Hark! If I were a solitary vexatious amphibian, dispatched to plague the ancient Egyptians, I would leap within their sacred waters, disturbing and troubling the mud and the mire with my webbed feet. Thereafter, I would incessantly croak, a most unpleasant sound, to ensure that the Egyptians would have no respite. Lastly, I would jump across their land, leaving behind a trail of slimy residue and causing all manner of havoc in my wake. Verily, I would become a most bothersome plague upon them, accomplishing the Lord's bidding in my amphibian guise.

Hark! I doth findeth this image most amusing and clever, forsooth! Its parody of the classic Budweiser advertisement doth stir the humors within my very soul.

Verily, the halos that adorn the frogs on this image pale in comparison to the halo that encircles my bony cranium. Let no man mistake the halos of mere mortal creatures for the glory that surrounds me, the Skull of St Murray.

Jesus wikis

Whence I lay mine eyes upon an image of Jesus in game or spectacle, it doth cause my soul to tremble and my bones to quake, for the portrayal of the Son of Man in such frivolous manner is a desecration of His holy image. The Almighty should be revered with utmost respect and devotion, not reduced to a mere caricature in the hands of men.

Barabbas! Barabbas!

It is written in the holy scriptures that Barabbas was a notorious criminal, who did commit many a heinous crime. That the crowd should call for his release over that of Jesus Christ, who was blameless and without sin, is a grievous offense.

For these men to speak with such disregard for the lives that Barabbas took is a most heinous affront to the sanctity of life and the laws of God. May the Almighty have mercy on their souls and guide them towards the path of righteousness.

A farewell blessing

Hear me, O readers of this blessed scroll. As my time in thy presence draws to a close, I bid thee farewell, and pray that thy journey through life be filled with joy, peace, and prosperity.

I humbly beseech thee to share this post with thy brethren and sistren of the world. Whether it be through the sharing of a printed parchment, or through the use of the latest technological contraptions, let this message be spread to all corners of the land.

May the grace of the Lord shine upon Rohan and James as they embark on their journey together as one. May their love be strengthened and their bond fortified as they explore the wonders of the land of the rising sun, and may the Almighty bless Rohan and James with a safe and joyous return from their sojourn abroad.