What "counts" as a Christian song?

Hello, I am back from Japan ready to traverse the crossroads of religion, pop culture and the internet once more. I had a wonderful time. For example, in Osaka I couldn’t help but notice Expo 2025 mascot Myaku Myaku, who is giving extremely Biblically Accurate vibes.

Unfortunately while I was away, Elon Musk blocked people without Twitter accounts from looking at tweets — a business genius! This causes problems for this newsletter in that you can’t click through to look at videos. So I guess I’ll just need to find video content elsewhere, sorry.

Oh and I’m still blocked by VeggieTales by the way. If anyone has a Bluesky invite I’d really love that because I need to stop relying on Twitter’s rapidly decaying service so much.

Asking the Barbie Ouija board would it be weird if I dyed my hair pink specifically to go watch the Barbie movie or is that fine

Music to my ears

Thanks so much to Moose for letting me cross-post his essay about pop musician Myylo last week. I’m going to talk about music a little more this week, if it’s alright with you.

Semler stays winning

Favourite of the newsletter Semler has — once again — achieved #1 spot on the iTunes Christian music chart, despite being barred from Billboard’s Hot Christian Songs chart and from most Christian radio stations.

Semler’s music couldn’t be described as anything but Christian, but they are genderqueer and gay. That’s a disqualifying trait according to Christian record labels, who until now controlled what “counts” as a Christian song.

It’s not clear who gets to participate: Ye (formerly Kanye West) features prominently on Billboard’s 2020—2022 year-end charts despite his many antisemitic remarks. Presumably it’s because his gospel music still gets airplay on Christian radio, but I don’t know.

@semlerrrrwwjd? stream faith by semler #foryourpride #queerartist #pride2023 #newmusicfriday

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But now anyone can make Christian music, put it on Apple and Spotify and promote it on TikTok, which opens an avenue for musicians like Semler to reach new listeners. Pretty interesting! Someone should do a deep dive on that 👀.

Tessa Violet says “thank you to God for inventing the orgasm! Very slay of you”

“MY GOD!” by Tessa Violet carries on the grand tradition of using religious language to describe sexual ecstasy. (See also: “Her Body Is Bible” by FLETCHER).

I knew Tessa from my YouTube days and once interviewed her back when I was editor of a Christian magazine. I don’t know how she identifies religiously anymore; I’ll leave for her to talk about herself if she wants.

The full album comes out in a few weeks. You can presave it wherever you get your music.

Derek Webb triggers the Gospel Coalition

I think Derek Webb’s latest album The Jesus Hypothesis came out a little while ago, but I only just got to it while on holiday. His song “Boys Will Be Girls” features friend of the newsletter Flamy Grant.

The song caused a stir in conservative evangelical circles last week when Shane Morris wrote a piece about it for The Gospel Coalition decrying “gender transition and drag” (big trigger warning on that one).

Webb used to be a big name in Christian music, having been part of folk-alternative band Caedmon’s Call — Morris describes the pro-LGBT+ message of “Boys Will Be Girls” as a gut punch because he used to listen to Webb when he was growing up. He is dismayed that some evangelicals have become LGBT affirming, but reasons this is because the Queer movement appeals to Christian instincts toward kindness.

From TGC:

After all, Jesus taught love, compassion, and inclusion. In parables like the Good Samaritan, he taught a kind of human equality (everyone in need is my neighbor!). … [H]e taught that these values were especially applicable to despised classes and those on the social and religious margins.

My guy you are SO CLOSE. Unfortunately he concludes that LGBT-affirming Christians have all been deceived. Oh well!

Beating the shit out of my sins

I love this video so much lmao

Watch: “Nonbelievers in Religious Movies”

Blessed Carlo’s laptop shrine

A reminder that the unofficial patron saint of this newsletter (besides St Murray) is Blessed Carlo Acutis, whose PlayStation controller is now a second class relic.

Speaking of, do you fancy one of these acrylic “Bl Carlo Acutis Game Controller” keychains from Etsy?

Presbyterian origins

Like three people sent me this meme

Barbiedise Lost

It’s safe to say my anticipation for the Barbie movie is reaching fever-pitch. Can we please appreciate this Greta Gerwig quote from the New Yorker? (h/t @McHenryJD)

Gerwig’s Barbie Land is a post-feminist utopia, or perhaps a prelapsarian one. “You live in a place where there’s no pain, and nothing dies, and there’s no suffering, and you are not separate from your environment, and you have no shame. And then, all of a sudden, you have shame,” she said, laughing. “I mean, we know the story! It’s in some books people have heard of.

As Alissa Wilkinson says, two apocalyptic movies in one weekend!

Then there’s this:

It’s true, the Unitarian Universalist magazine UU World interviewed her in 2013 about growing up Unitarian and what the UU Church means to her. (I think it’s real good that a Narnia director has thought deeply about religious matters, btw.)

Finally, thank you once again

I don’t want to keep going on about it, but big thanks to the contributors and large language models who filled in for me while I was away. Thanks also to everyone who reached out to say congratulations and to wish me well. I really appreciate it!

I really enjoyed having guest contributors, so even though I’m no longer on my honeymoon, if you would like to take Modern Relics for a spin, that’s always an option! Send me a pitch, and I’ll see what I can do. I don’t have budget to pay for contributions (I don’t even pay myself!) but if you’d still like to chip in, I’d love to hear from you.