When is a baptism not a baptism?
Also, *that* VeggieTales tweet
There are quite a few new readers that have signed up since my last post, so I’ll give a quick explainer of what’s going on here. I’m Rohan Salmond and this is Modern Relics, a newsletter that examines the intersection of religion, the internet and pop culture. I often focus on Christianity because that’s what I’m most familiar with, but my intention is to include other traditions when possible.
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Dear God, Please Help. – Me
At 10.00am on 13 February 2022, the official VeggieTales Twitter account posted the following tweet:
Despite being a sincere corporate account, the VeggieTales Twitter reads as elite-tier shitposting. I actually have so many thoughts about the VeggieTales brand and its Twitter account specifically, but maybe writing that essay is not the best look after several dozen people have just newly subscribed to this newsletter lol. Anyway, the “dear god please help me” tweet particularly struck a chord online.
Larry the Cucumber’s vacant smile. An all-too-relatable plea written on a curtain (was that all that was available?) The bold italics on Please. The unnecessary sign-off, “–Me”. Junior Asparagus being too short. It’s like if Play School hosts got into a hostage situation and were also vegetables. It’s just so… desperate, yet… zany?
And yet, this wonderful (and I genuinely mean wonderful) post got taken down in its prime – deleted at 3000+ retweets and 19.5k likes.
Unlike the infamous VeggieTales 9/11 post, there’s nothing inherently offensive or wrong going on, so I don’t know why such a popular tweet was taken down. There were 376 quote tweets that may have been grossly off-brand, but I don’t know how to easily find them all in one place now the original post has been deleted.
So I decided to ask VeggieTales HQ using their contact form. And after not receiving a response, I sent a follow-up message. I might try the customer service email address in a few days, even though I think that’s just for merch sales, etc, but maybe they’ll forward my query to the right person. I’m genuinely curious about the reasoning here, so I’ll report back if I hear anything.
Is he gay or is he talking about Jesus
This could also apply to a lot of Hillsong music, but I digress.
When is a baptism not a baptism?
This story about Catholic priest Father Andres Arango using one wrong word in his baptisms – thus invalidating thousands of them over several decades – is still going gangbusters online.
Baptisms do not have to be performed by a priest, so long as the intention is right and the words are correct (known as the ‘formula’). So the idea that one wrong pronoun could invalidate thousands of baptisms, and subsequent confirmations and weddings, is mind-boggling even to many Catholics. However, according to the Vatican, Father Arango’s baptisms were nontheless invalid.
Whatever the Vatican says, the matter is far from settled on social media. The discourse is a good example of how theological arguments unfold on these platforms in response to a news event. Sometimes opinion pieces, viral tweets or TV shows kick them off too — such as the similar discussion around baptising Baby Yoda.
If you’re interested, here’s some less tweety analysis from Father Thomas Reese at RNS, and another from Molly Cahill at America Magazine (both published in 2020 after a similar incident).
This AP story about Father Arango’s case published today has a little more detail than the ones circulating a few days ago. It has, well, not a happy ending, but the priest’s former parish still holds him in high regard and wishes for him to return.
Personally, I don’t care if the Vatican says my baptism is invalid…
21 Coptic Martyrs of Libya
This is a bit of a change of gears, but bear with me. February 14 was St Valentine’s feast day, a saint who has long had wide acclaim across all three major branches of Christianity, and from non-churchy people too.
The day after on February 15, was the holy day of the 21 Coptic Martyrs of Libya, who were kidnapped and beheaded by ISIS in 2015. Twenty of the men were Copts from Egypt, and one was a Ghanan named Matthew Ayariga.
A popular story goes that upon witnessing the deaths of the other men, Matthew converted on the spot saying “Their God is my God”, however it’s more likely he was already a Christian (but not Coptic) and said, “I am a Christian and I am like them”. Regardless, they were unified in martyrdom, and Matthew is embraced by the Copic Church just like the others.
I’ve noticed a lot of Christians posting about these martyrs in the last few years, including intricate icons and prayers. While they are technically only venerated in the Oriental Orthodox church, they enjoy uncommonly broad support in other branches of Orthodoxy as well as by Catholics and Protestants. In 2021 Pope Francis said, “They are our Saints, Saints of all Christians, Saints of all Christian denominations and traditions.”
Their veneration makes sense — even if you are not a Christian, you probably remember when they died, and how that made you feel. Also the story has echoes of the early church martyrs and Ruth’s declaration of loyalty to Naomi from the Bible.
They are saints of the digital age: Their deaths were broadcast on the internet, and now they are venerated online too.
More religious NFTs
I don’t MEAN for this newsletter to just be a religiously tinged version of other internet culture newsletters by focussing on NFTs, but they’re bloody everywhere.
I once wrote about a series of hugely unpopular Jesus NFTs and some NFT ‘relics’ sold by a Portuguese charity — now we have more to add to the pile.
These “biblically accurate angels” by @jopfe0815 went viral on Twitter last week and turned out to be a series of NFTs much more popular than the ones mentioned above, selling out in one day. At the time of writing this Ophan NFT sold for 325 tezos ($1200 USD) and this Serpah is on the market for the meme-y price of 666 tezos ($2600 USD).
But despite looking good and having an ambient soundtrack, they’re pretty bog standard NFTs. More interesting are these BeingBuddha NFTs which, if I understand correctly, grant access to a blockchain meditation website with a button that alters your NFT to increase rarity (and therefore value).
Could you just hit the button once a day without ever meditating or engaging with Buddhist thought whatsoever? Yeah probably. But I appreciate that this project does something a bit different at least, even if I still think these things are a bad idea.
Speaking of biblically accurate angels
You know I love a good “biblically accurate angel” meme, but it’s true that an ongoing theme in both the Hebrew scriptures and the New Testament is that kindness and hospitality are important, partly because angels often look like just some guy.
Tales of Khayaal
A few weeks ago I got a sneak peek at Tales of Khayaal, which is a Muslim futurist online comic set 50 years from now, and what I saw was really good! This isn’t sponsored or anything, but it’s looking for funding and I’m going to chuck in a couple of bucks. If it looks your speed, I encourage you to as well.